Friday, 12 June 2015

"Do you have brothers or sisters?"

Knowing the family background of our date is important as it shows how he can make secure and committed relationship in his own life. It's important to know if our partner came from an extended family, where he could learn how to take care of others and sharing the tasks or he was a single child who got every financial and emotional support from his parents and he never needed to share that with siblings. In that case he can be spoilt and requires more attention from his partner also in the relationship. An only child who grew up surrounded by adults are often more mature. He spent so much time alone, he can be creative and confident in his independence. If he has more brothers or sisters, probably they shared the toys and clothes, he learned not to be selfish and he could be more caretaker in the relationship too.

If he is the oldest child in his family, he learned to take more responsibility as he was a babysitter or helped with feeding or bathing his younger sibling(s). He could be more helping around the house or with kids. Also the eldest child is programmed for excellence and achievement, he's probably a high achiever who seeks approval, dominates others and perfectionist.

If he is the youngest in his family, he had an easy childhood because he had an older brother or sister who was a pioneer before him and fight all the battles with the parents what a kid needs to fight, and he's had the beaten track front of him. These people never really learn how to fight for something and they become a bit lazy in interactions with others. Also younger babies learn more seduce and entertain, it means bigger success in dating. The youngest child has more freedom than the other siblings and he's often more independent.

If he's a middle child, he's probably understanding, cooperative and flexible, more laid back and easy-going in dating and relationship.

Statistics say the abused child also can be abusive and aggressive in his relationships as it was the model for dealing with problems and stress. In my personal life I've seen enough example of the opposite, when the person decided not to follow the family pattern, he decides to be a better partner than his parents were. Like a boy grew up with an alcoholic father says he will - luckily - ever touch a glass in his life. It depends on the character and also the influence of the other parent.

Also important to know if our partner grew up with his father or he had an important male role model in his childhood (that could be a teacher or a neighbour) Without that he easily can be too soft, too feminine growing up as a boy with a single mum. And that's a trick when we start a relationship with him, because we like his softness, the fact that he is so attached with his feminine side, but he won't be a strong man we wish for ourselves in a relationship. He could have difficulties with making decisions etc. simply because he never learned what are the main male attributions. 

These are not Golden Rules, but might can give you some idea why is he behaving in a certain way.  

"A middle child is more laid back and easy-going in dating."


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